The Tragedy of Fashion Faux Pas
by cto10121
Summary: Roméo lost more than his common sense when he fell in love with Juliette. He lost his already questionable fashion sense. Benvolio and Mercutio are greatly disturbed. Rated T for crude language.


**A/N: So I got the idea from the "On Dit Dans La Rue" music video in which Roméo randomly and strangely wears rainbow pants. When I first saw it I thought more in the lines of "WTF?!" but because it was Damien Sargue and because that man is outrageously beautiful in anything he wears (seriously…I look at his pictures and he always looks sinfully handsome 99 percent of the time!) the rainbow pants became endearing to me. Not to mention they're cute. :D Thus, my mind wandered to a "What if?" scenario in which Roméo actually wore the pants in the musical and this was born. Hope you enjoy. :D**

**Disclaimer: "Roméo et Juliette: de la Haine à l'Amour" is owned by Gérard Presgurvic (the lucky bastard), nor do I own the play from which it was based on by William Shakespeare (the double lucky bastard). I don't even own Valentine – Shakespeare has dibs on him. *is emo* **

**Also, beware of obscene language. Couldn't help it – they're Roméo, Mercutio, and Benvolio. 'Nough said. **

**Summary**_**: **__[Roméo et Juliette: de la Haine à l'Amour] What if Roméo lost more than his common sense when he fell in love with Juliette? What if he also lost his already questionable fashion sense? Benvolio and Mercutio ponder more on Roméo's sanity or lack thereof. Based on "On Dit Dans La Rue" music video. Rated T for obscene language._

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The Tragedy of Fashion Faux Pas 

"Roméo!"

"Oh, Dieu. What have I done _now_?"

"How do you mean?"

"Don't take that innocent tone with me, Benvolio. By the way you guys make it exceedingly difficult for one to forget my own first name, I can only assume that you're going to ruin my perfectly good mood."

"Speaking of said perfectly good mood…care to explain?"

"Can't I just be happy with the wonderful and magnificent day?"

"Romeo, the weather's the same as always: scorching. And it's not day, it's near evening. And since when did you answer with rhetorical questions?"

"Since when did you bother me with rhetorical answers in the guise of questions?"

"Touché. So…Signor Roméo. Had fun ditching us last night?"

"…What?"

"You don't understand? Very well, I'll put it plainly – you ditched us after the party, cruelly leaving Benvolio and me to each other's amusements. _Explain_."

"Pardon me, my friends. It was a matter urgent enough to take leave of your intellectually stimulating and drunken company. In such a case as mine, a man is not obliged to take note of simple courtesy."

"Urgent matter, you say? Hmm. Like fucking around with Juliette Capulet?"

"_You dare _–!"

"Cool it, tenderfoot. Roméo, really, calm down! Mercutio did not mean it, did you, Cutio?"

"Urrrgggggghhh!"

"See? Now, Roméo, stop choking him, for God's sake, he's turning blue. That's it. Good boy."

"_Are you bloody mad?! _You almost fucking choked me!"

"You're my best friend, Mercutio, but I'm telling you now – you can insult me all you like, but not one word against Juliette."

"So what they've been saying around Verona is true. You've betrayed us."

"…I've betrayed no one!"

"Mon Dieu, Roméo! It's official: You've gone wholly mad."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm perfectly sane."

"Your rainbow pants disagree."

"…Sorry?"

"Romeo, don't act more like the idiot you are. You're wearing rainbow pants."

"Now who is acting like an idiot? I don't wear rainbow pants."

"So we're hallucinating, then? And the people around us have been, too. Will you look at that? The whole world's gone mad."

"Roméo, just look down."

"…Huh. What do you know? I _am_ wearing rainbow pants."

"Voilà, genius."

"I suppose I just put them on without looking. They're rather nice, don't you think?"

"…Nice? _Nice_? What the hell is _wrong _with you?"

"What do you mean, Volio? What's wrong with them?"

"What's wrong with them? _What's wrong with them_?! Are you _colorblind_ or something? What kind of an idiot wears rainbow pants with a sleeveless, black shirt as an ensemble? They _clash_, for God's sake! You're a like a walking, grotesque, nightmarish fashion horror!"

"…"

"…"

"…What?"

"Benvolio, you're not seriously reprimanding me on color coordination, are you?"

"And if I am? Really, I don't expect a miracle to come and change you into a person of style but even back when you were at least reasonably sane you dressed fine!"

"Say, Benvolio…you do like women, right?"

"Of course I like women, Mercutio! What exactly are you implying?"

"Nothing!"

"Back on topic, if you please! Benvolio, I really don't care what I wear and frankly, it's disturbing that you should as well. I just put these on because I felt like it. Mercutio –"

"Oh God."

"Mercutio?"

"I just finally remembered where I saw those pants from! I knew they looked familiar – they're Valentine's!"

"Your _brother's_?"

"Yeah, that small, greasy git. How did you get them?"

"Oh _now_ I remember – he gave them to me one time as a joke. I think he was trying to be witty but failed miserably and just came across as being lame."

"I can't believe you accepted a gift from _Valentine_, of all people. He's so lame it's not even funny. And I think he has a huge crush on you."

"How do you figure?"

"The way he keeps stalking you and everything. It's creepy. And he's perpetually cheerful. He's a lazy, son of a – oh, hi, Valentine."

"Hiya, Mercutio my favorite filial relative! How's it going?"

"Val, Roméo's betrayed us and Benvolio by messing around with Juliette Capulet and is now wearing rainbow pants. How do you _think _it's going? Now scram."

"Ooh, is that _my_ rainbow pants? Nice choice, Roméo, my man! It goes well with that whole sleeveless black shirt ensemble thing you got going there."

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"Val, if you don't scram right this second, I will not be responsible for the stick that will be jammed up your ass."

"Bye, now, Cutio-doodle!"

"That that lame excuse for a man is actually related to me, it is near incomprehensible."

"I actually can, a little."

"Don't make me kick your ass from here to next week, Roméo. I already want to due to your wearing Valentine's pants and you courting Juliette Capulet."

"Really, I can't understand the problem with both! Well, yes, Juliette is the daughter of my enemy, but I'm in love with her. Why should it matter?"

"Wrong, _mon fou ami_. It matters a great deal, as with you wearing rainbow pants."

"Just a day ago you were all criticizing the kings of the world and their stupid wars and now you think that said wars actually matter? And how on earth could rainbow pants matter in the scheme of things?"

"When it involves Tybalt and the possibility of losing your life, yes! As for the rainbow pants, well…personally I wouldn't hang around you if you continue wearing those pants."

"Isn't that a bit extreme? I mean, they're just pants. And it's just Tybalt. Mercutio, you agree, right?"

"Sorry, _mon ami_. It's detrimental to my reputation to be seen with those pants. And while Tybalt may be a pompous Prince of Cats, that cat has claws. Especially when concerning his _beloved _cousin."

"…You aren't insinuating what I think you are insinuating, are you? And I think your reputation is solid enough for mere pants to even maim it."

"Au contraire, Roméo – I have to keep up appearances. Rainbow pants will flash the wrong signals. And your insinuating skills are up to par, I take it. I thought that your common sense flew away along with your fashion sense. Apparently I heard a rumor about Tybalt's little girlfriend complaining about Tybalt's un-cousinly feelings towards dear cousin Juliette."

"…Is that so?"

"Doth mine eyes deceive me? Correct me if I'm wrong, but do I detect a tinge of jade around your countenance?"

"A hint of…insecurity? From the secure Roméo?"

"And dare I say it…jealousy? From It's-Not-Me-It's-You Roméo Montaigu?"

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Touchy, are we? Tsk, tsk. Never thought I'd see the day."

"Absolutely _priceless_."

"Look, why should I care if there's one more person who loves Juliette? I'm only surprised that there isn't more of them. Juliette loves me, and chose me. Not her irascible cousin or _Paris_. Like I'd feel threatened by both. Besides, it's only reasonable since Juliette is the most beautiful creature in the world."

"Oh _God_…"

"If you start waxing poetic about the daughter of Capulet I'm abandoning you, so help me! And – will you banish that lovelorn expression from your face, it's disgusting!"

"I thought you were more than just my best friends, my _frères du sang_. And yet you would abandon me just because I fell in love with the daughter of my enemy?"

"Don't forget about the rainbow pants."

"And rainbow _pants_? What's wrong with simple pants?"

"The same reason why it's wrong for you to be with Juliette – they're both wrong, traitorous, disturbing, and frankly, both clash horribly and don't suit you _at all_."

"…You did _not _just compare my one true love with rainbow pants."

"What does it matter? You have to give them both up!"

"Never! I'd rather _die_!"

"For pants?"

"Since apparently to you the rainbow pants symbolize my love for Juliette, then yes, why the hell not? I'd be willing to die for pants!"

"You've gone insane! Completely and utterly _mad_!"

"Completely and utterly _in love_."

"Roméo, just let them go! Go back to Rosaline or something!"

"No. I'm telling you once and I'll tell you a thousand times – Juliette is my life, and I'd rather die than ever renounce her. Right or wrong, forbidden or not, I don't give a damn. I don't ask or want for any forgiveness, especially since I didn't commit a crime, like you two seem to acting. And I should have the right to express my love for Juliette in any way, shape, or form, and if one of the ways is wearing rainbow pants, then _fine_! And all of Verona can whine and bitch about it all they'd like, but it's not going to change my mind in the least bit. No, we're not sleeping together. Yes, we've only kissed two times. Yes, we met just yesterday at a masked ball. But that's all irrelevant considering that we _belong_ together and unless we randomly drop dead in a day or two we're not going to stop loving each other. So there. End of discussion. C'est finit. _Over_!"

"…"

"…"

"…But Roméo, they're _rainbow pants_."

"ARGH!"

"Roméo! Come back! Roméo…gah, he's gone."

"Well, I think that ended well, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh sure. I'm sure that because of our completely reasonable, eloquent talk, he will in a few days' time forget all about Juliette Capulet and will be attracted to some other butterfly and we'll have to nail his feet back on the ground again and everything will be back to normal."

"Of course."

"Right."

"Back to normal."

"Mmm-hmm."

Pause.

"He's a goner, isn't he?"

"Yep."

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**A/N: Reviews are better than Roméo's rainbow pants. :D **


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